What Did the Birds Do?

I was in a meeting this morning, and someone mentioned that if we did a certain thing, we could "kill two birds with one stone." Now, I realize this expression is a commonly used one, but for some reason it gave me pause this morning. I just couldn't help but wonder 1) why people are always wanting to kill birds and 2) why it is that stones are so bloody valuable that we need to be sure to get that extra bang for our proverbial buck. Seriously, what did birds in general do? I suppose they could be the type of garage-dwelling birds that are forever shitting on otherwise sheltered cars, but I would think even those birds would be worthy of their own individual Stones of Death.

Feel free to enlighten me. Otherwise, go in peace, and, if you must kill birds, at least give them the dignity of using separate stones for each of them.

My Mama Didn't Raise No Fool

A co-worker told me this week that she has to have surgery on her pinky this Friday because she broke it when she "tripped" and "fell" while "running." I wasn't buying that for a minute, though. You can't fool me that easily. Oh, sure it's plausible and all. She does run all the time, probably just so she has a ready excuse, but I told her I knew the real story. See, I reckon she's really an international spy who typically executes her missions on weekends. She can't always confine it to the weekends, though, which is why she does "vacations" to Thailand and Mexico and the like for a couple of weeks a year. The way I figure it, this past weekend, her mission went awry, and she got captured. They bad guys were just starting to interrogate her ["You don't know ze answer, fraulein? Vell, let's see vot you know ven I break your fingers ... one at a time ... starting vif zees peenky!" snap] when her partner busted in and rescued her.

Tripped. Fell. Ha! I may have been born yesterday, but I've been up all day today, and I'm not buying that. Still, I don't want to blow her cover. So don't tell anyone, OK?