Head-butting Cement

I realize there are some of you out there who don't realize it, but college basketball season is ramping up. Well, that's not really true. It's just kind of trickling in, but there are official games going on these days. I watched at least 3 games this week that I didn't care a lick about just because they were on. It's a marvelous thing. College hoops is without question the best sport in the land. Moreover, there is optimism in Hoosierdom about IU's chances this year. So it's safe to say that I'm a little excited about it.

Part of the way I prepare for each season is by purchasing ESPN's Full Court package. That way, I can see all of the Hoosiers' games (except for those incredibly irritating circumstances when they're on CBS regional coverage on Sunday afternoon and they get preempted locally for the Terps -- the TERPS!). So I called up my friendly Comcast people on Monday night, which led to the following exchange:

Me: I'd like to buy the ESPN Full Court package.
Comcast guy: Sure thing. I can set that up for you. Let's see here ... ESPN ... there it is, ESPN Game Plan.
Me: Uhhhhh, no. The Game Plan is college football. I'm talking about Full Court. That's college BASKETball.
Comcast guy: Oh. Well, we don't carry that.
Me: [Opting not to tell him not to tell me my business while telling him his] You have for the past 8 years. Because I've bought it every year.
Comcast guy: From Comcast?
Me: Yes.
Comcast guy: In THIS area?!
Me: Yes.
Comcast guy: Well, the only basketball package we have here is NBA League Pass. Do you want that?
Me: NO! Never! Definitely not.
Comcast guy: Well that's all we have right now. [Remembering something] But I think the Full Court starts in December.
Me: [Again, refraining from suggesting he not tell me my business. Also, not pointing out that this last statement flies in the face of "we don't carry that."] According to their website, it starts on November 19th.
Comcast guy: Well, I don't have it available to sell it to you. But I'm putting in your request for it.
Me: So I should just call back to see if it's available?
Comcast guy: Yes. Give it a few days and call back around the 15th.
Me: [Debates whether to point out that it is currently Monday, the 14th.] OK. Thanks for your help. [Hangs up]

So that didn't go at all how I'd planned. However, true to my word, I tried again yesterday (Thursday):

Me: I'd like to purchase the ESPN Full Court college basketball package.
Comcast gal: Let's see ... ESPN ... We don't have that. We only have the NBA package for basketball.
Me: But you carry this every year.
Comcast gal: Full Court doesn't start until late November or early December. You could check back then.
[This exchange repeats a few times, with each of us saying the same thing a different way.]
Me: [Wondering why these people insist on telling me my business and wondering how many times one has to call and not be wrong to have them flag my account with "Not a Complete Idiot" ] According to their website, it starts on November 19th. And there's a game I really want to see on November 21st. DirecTV has it available at this point. Are you suggesting that might be a better option for my TV service?
Comcast gal: All I'm saying is that our marketing people haven't made it available to us to sell yet. So it's not in the system.
Me: I understand. [And I do, but it's hard for me to deal with the fact that marketing people might spoil the beginning of my college hoops season.] Bummer. Well, would you please put in my request for this package ASAP?
Comcast gal: It's not available yet, sir. It's not in the system.
Me: I understand you loud and clear. What I'm hoping is that we can pass my request on so that the Comcast marketing people get on the stick and make it available.
Comcast gal: It's not available, sir.
Me: [Trying to avoid becoming angry and wondering if I'm speaking to a real person] Should I just call back later?
Comcast gal: That's probably a good idea.

As you might have guessed, I was a little frustrated. However, I've been through this sort of thing with them before. Lawton and I called them every month for two years trying to get digital cable and high speed internet access or at least trying to find out when it would be available, met every time with explanations that the computer showed "people working in your area right now." They really didn't understand when we asked, "Yes, but does it show them ever finishing the work in our area?" Polite always, but completely ignorant were they. So I was prepared to call every day until it was available, recognizing I might be better off finding that Sisyphus guy and offering to help him out with his rock.

So I called back today, and I was stunned when the Comcast guy (clearly my favorite Comcast guy of all time) immediately told me that the Full Court package was available. No telling me my business, no arguing about when it starts. Just good news. He seemed a little taken aback at my incredulity, and he kind of chuckled when I said, "Really?! It wasn't available yesterday." However, 5 minutes later I was allegedly all set. O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

On that happy note, I'm done here. I hope I've paved the road for you with your TV provider, whoever it may be. If not, I hope that you don't have to make more than 3 calls to get your hoop on.

Have a great weekend and Go Hoosiers!