How to Have a Good Restaurant

Make the place look nice. Have pleasant lighting. Make the seats comfortable. Offer hush puppies and fried pickles as appetizers. Offer strange assortments of salads and meats as entrées. Give those who buy meat dishes a knife more suited to lamb slaughter and other forms of murder than to cutting food into bite-sized pieces.

With all those things, it doesn't even matter how good the food is, as they will inspire conversation.

But don't try to spice up the hush puppies. They are one of the few things on Earth that really shouldn't be messed with.