College is So Two Days Ago

Seriously. I'm over this college thing. I'm done with it. Finished. Finit. QED.

Oh, wait. That last one doesn't fit. Still, I just couldn't help but inform you all that I'm done with college. I know many of you out there are saying, "Abs, you're an idiot. You graduated from college 10 years ago! If it's taking you this long to figure it out, you probably didn't deserve a degree in the first place." And those of you who didn't know that I graduated 10 years ago are getting with the whole "Abs is an idiot" thing. And I may be an idiot, but this pronouncement isn't really more evidence of it.

See, way back during my final Spring semester in high school, I was confronted with a Decision. Where would I go to college? It was a daunting call, as I didn't have any particular place that I had dreamed of going, I didn't have my heart set on any place, and I just wasn't sure what to do. The fact that more than one place was willing to allow me to sully their reputation was a Good Thing, but that I had to choose between them was not. I've mentioned before that I struggle with hard decisions, but this one came up before I had developed my oh-so-effective system of asking a lot of uninvolved people what they would do and lamenting my predicament. Instead, back then, my system was far simpler: I avoided the topic entirely. I didn't claim this was an effective system; it was just simpler. Really, it was easier, too. It involves a lot less effort than asking people what they think. And lamenting. Lamenting is a bitch! The Decision could wait, I thought. All of these colleges had deadlines for notification, and I didn't have to sweat it until then. If I happened to miss a deadline, well, I guess my system had effectively eliminated one alternative. So I was cruising along with my If You Don't Think About It, It Will Go Away method of decision-making and generally enjoying my senior year of high school.

This system wasn't all Goodness for everyone, though. Mama Abs didn't like it at all. This Decision gave her a tremendous amount of stress for some reason. It was very important to her that I pick a college. It didn't matter which one I picked. She didn't care if I picked the one in Ohio or the one in Illinois or the one in Virginia (recognizing the the ones in Indiana were right out). She just wanted me to Pick Something Already! I have no idea why the Decision stressed her out, but it did. She did a very good job of hiding that stress from me. For about 13.5 minutes. Then, she began to ask me where I was going to go to school. I would always truthfully answer, "I don't know," after appearing to ponder the question for about 10 seconds. I wasn't doing any pondering, though. So complete was my dedication to the IYDTAIIWGA method that my mind just filled with a mild buzzing whenever I even thought about thinking about the Decision. I figured each time I answered that way we were done with that topic, that my mom wouldn't ask me again for a while. And that was true, but only because I typically left the house or holed up in my room for a while immediately after she asked me. But she would ask the next time she laid eyes on me. This was her subtle way of suggesting to me that she thought it was High Time I Made Up My Mind. My IYDTAIIWGA method was too complete for her subtle prodding to sink in, though. I thought she couldn't possibly care, as it was my Decision, my education, my ... buuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzz.

Finally, the stress became too much for Mama Abs, and after asking me on a Thursday night where I was going to school and getting the standard response, she told me that I was not going on my scheduled weekend trip unless I made a Decision. Can you believe that shit?! I was outraged! I was shocked! I was in denial! I was leaving in just one day, and she couldn't just go cancelling my plans! I was going to bitch, I was going to yell, I was going ... to the University of Virginia.

And it was over. Decision Made. I don't know that I like the way it came to be, but it did. And I went there, and I had an Experience, and I got a Degree, and things were Generally Good.

So why am I just now done with college, which I am just remembering was the question you asked me in the first place? (OK, fine. You didn't ask me that question. But you would have if I had given you that piece of the dialogue. Work with me here.) Because the University of Virginia has been the Place that Keeps on Taking for the last ten years. And today, it is done taking. I have finally finished paying for it. My student loans are over, and that is, without question, a Good Thing.

For now, I'm just basking in the glow of being done with college. I should probably decide what to do with the money each month now that I'm not giving to the school or the government. And I suppose I could ... buuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzz.