It Sounds Better Than 'Recipes That Will Clean Your Pipes'

I was at a bookstore the other night putting an x-mas gift card to good use. The Girl was also attempting to put a gift card of her own to use, and she was looking at cookbooks. She was looking for a particular one, and she enlisted my help. I didn't find the book she was looking for, but I did happen to glance this gem:

 

I couldn't help but wonder what it was about. Chuckling, I showed it to the Girl, suggesting that it was chock-a-block full of recipes for the high fiber diet. She suggested that we open it to find out, and I absolutely refused, deciding that it would be better to just leave it to my imagination. She opened it anyway and determined that it's from a New Orleans restaurant. We didn't look at the actual recipes, though. So I'm going to just assume that it's a restaurant that caters to the discerning, if irregular, eater.

Best Text Ever

So what's the best text message you've ever received? I remember being out at a bar with a quasi-random assortment of folks one night when a guy showed one the females hanging with us a text he had just received from a woman he knew (before you ask, this text was not from his wife or girlfriend or anything of the sort). The entirety of the message was, "Sex?" You might laugh and be inclined to answer with an Austin Powers like, "Yes, please." Or even, "Grr, baby! Yeah!" But the thing is you would be right on point. That message wasn't inquiring about whether the guy was currently in the clutch; it was an invitation, and you have to love the casual, if-you're-not-doing-anything-else-how-about-helping-a-girl-out sort of tone. I was impressed and astounded. Unsurprisingly, that guy exited stage left, with a quickness even.

You, being the swave and deboner type that you are, have probably received dozens or even hundreds of those types of texts. (Or should I call them sexts?) I, on the other hand, am not nearly as cool as you, and I have never had such an experience. Realistically, I can't quite fathom it. So it leads me to wonder, in the absence of such cell phone delivered prurience, what the best text I've ever received is. Even though I'm not good at superlatives, I think I have an answer. Last week, I received a message from cancer battler Shawn, and it has to take the cake. It simply said, "NO SIGNS OF CANCER!"

He gives more of the dets in a blog post (I especially like the text from his uncle that he included), but I say goodonya, Shawn! Excellent work and excellent news! That's the kind of news we should all get more often. Maybe we should all start telling each other we're cancer-free, just to remind ourselves of something to be thankful for.

An Unexpected Hosanna

I stopped to get gas on the way to work this morning, and for some reason, I looked over at another woman who was there. She was walking a little toward me, and asked, "Did you hear what I said?"

I shook my head. She said, "It used to cost me 75 dollars to fill up that car. It just cost me thirty-three seventy-five. God is good!"

It's good to be thankful, I guess.

A Newer Perspective

The Chronicles started out way back when as a follow-up to an email about me shaving off my goatee. Since then, I've talked about all sorts of random things, and linked to stories I found amusing and generally bumbled my way about. Sometimes I struggle to come up with something to write about.

Now I have a new piece of news that undoubtedly belongs in the Chronicles of Abs. Not long ago, I talked about how I had played a bunch of different roles in weddings, and I had just added Officiant to the list. Well, it looks like I'm going to able to add the role of Groom at some point because the Girl officially agreed this past weekend to add the Wife to her list of sobriquets.

You read it right; I am engaged! Last Friday, as the Girl and I watched the first exhibition game of the IU basketball season (streaming online because it wasn't on actual TV) in our living room, as the band played the William Tell Overture and the cheerleaders streamed all over the court with flags (this sequence is one of the Girl's favorite things in the entire world), I brought out her favorite dessert from the restaurant where we went on our first date, and I asked her to marry me. As you might expect, trumpets heralded, the clouds parted, we were bathed in a shimmering light, the band was muted behind a Hallelujah chorus, laurels and wreaths and nosegays floated through the air. Perhaps all of those things distracted her, because she said yes!

We are excited! And thrilled!! And I am clearly overdosing on exclamation marks! I just had to share that with you, because you are my one and only, most favoritest Internets. Have a marvelous day.

My Kind of PSA

The Pretty Boy recently pointed me to a PSA that Dave Barry wrote. Despite the fact that I actually wrote one once, I'm not really so big on PSA's. Jenny, eat something. Johnny, go to school. Jeremiah ... why the hell do all these kids' names start with 'J'? It's ridiculous! But I digress. The point is that Dave Barry had a message to send out, and he did it in his inimitable style: by talking about his fear of having things shoved up his butt. I love this kind of PSA. It made me laugh out loud more than once. It had a sweet side to it. And, best of all, it is currently not even the least bit applicable to me. Good times.

Given the subject, it seems a good time to give a shout out to a guy on my softball team. I've been meaning to post this for a long time, but I just haven't managed it. Last December, I got this email from Shawn. Needless to say, it wasn't good news, but I told him I was definitely not betting against him, and his attitude about the whole thing was both inspiring and refreshing. That's been true ever since he was diagnosed, and I'm glad to say that he's still playing softball with us. That in itself is impressive, and his story has been a repeated source of goodness over time. But it's this particular post that I think sums it all up. Sometimes, the Good Guys win.

Have a great weekend!